Saturday Matinee: Battle Royal

To cleanse the palate after yesterday's massive misstep, today's matinee is one of my favourite Japanese films, Battle Royal. (This film is rated R and contains blood and violence, all involving children, like Lord Of the Flies on speed.)

Friday Films: Super Imposed Muscles, Computer Animated Executions and Animal Ear Headbands

Ichi The Killer

Rating: D

File Under: Lost In Translation

I was first introduced to director Takashi Miike in his short film Imprint, which he directed for HBO's Masters Of Horror. Although the episode never aired due to its graphic depictions of torture and tender subject matters, it still remains available on DVD and viewable on the internet. In that one hour film Takashi Miike truly shines as a director and as an artist. But sadly, this is not a review of that stellar mini-movie. Instead it is about a two hour waste of my time.

The worst part of Ichi the Killer is not the brutal violence or the disgusting gore or even the unneeded nudity/sex, no, this movie completely falls on its face in the plot. The dialog is solid and for the first forty minutes, you are compelled by the convoluted story line. Unfortunately, fifteen minutes later, you realize that you actually have no clue what is going on and neither does the movie itself. It bounces around from scene to bloody scene trying to tie together the loose ends left by the story.

Originally adapted from the manga of the same name, Ichi the Killer follows the story of Kakihara, a Yakuza enforcer who receives great pleasure from giving and taking beatings, and freely deals out visually disturbing and graphic torture. The extent of his depravity knows no real bounds and in many scenes he is seen orchestrating, or actually perpetrating, acts of obscene violence. His physical appearance reflects his lust for pain, his face is scarred and at one point he cuts off the end of his own tongue, in addition the corners of his mouth are bound together to keep closed the, most likely, self-inflicted Glasgow smile he wears. When the story opens all seems to be well for the Yakuza, until the Anjo mob boss, Anjo, is brutally murdered by the mysterious Ichi, Kakihara sets out to find and punish the man responsible for his mentor's death... then let the sub-plots ensue.

I'm not even going to go into the horribly conceived story that begins to take place from there, instead I am going to take a moment to share where Miike does do a great job. The camera work in this movie is unbelievable, Miike takes the pulpy and gritty style of Guy Ritchie (circa. Snatch) and deftly blends it with the oddball camera angles and non-panning scenes of Quentin Tarantino (Circa. Reservoir Dogs). The city jumps by at a schizophrenic pace while conversations are reverent and intimate, never does someone leave a building without the filter becoming grainy and racing through the streets but when they pause to speak with another person, the camera pulls in close and focuses intently. Yet even here, at his strong point, Miike fails the movie. If the shot is interesting for a few moments, the director drags it out to death, literally to the point where you forget whether you had liked it or not, in the first place.

The bad news continues when you realize that the characters are vapid and foolish with absolutely no dimensions or levels of depth, there are not strong emotional ties to any one character in particular. If the movie is going to be a blood bath, there needs to be some way that we can connect with the one person left on camera the entire time. Instead, Tadanobu Asano gives the viewer a swaggering, self loathing and totally unsympathetic caricature of a sadistic torturer, devoid of any charm or wit. It's tough to enjoy a movie when there isn't one single solitary character to relate to, or even cheer on.

This movie was a waste of my evening, I should have picked another to review. Takashi Miike should either: stick to original plots and never do another adaptation again, or just do short films where he can cram shock and beauty into such a compact space that it will force the viewer to remain riveted.

If you are going to watch this movie... don't. Just find a copy of Imprint and watch that instead.

Wednesday Wrap Up: Chutes and Ladders Leaving Me Where I Begun

Cold War Kids- Behave Yourself Ep (Downtown Records)

Rating: Treat

File Under: Finally Catching My Attention

#	Title	Length
1.	"Audience"	3:02
2.	"Coffee Spoon"	3:54
3.	"Santa Ana Winds"	2:31
4.	"Sermons"	4:33
5.	"Baby Boy (CD Only)"	0:37

When Cold War Kids debuted in 2006 with their self titled album, they were raved about and applauded for being original and talented. Naturally I skipped over them, because I insist on being contrary to everyone else's opinion. When I went back in 2008 to see if it was cool to like them yet, I found myself disappointed by the music they played. Now in 2010 they have finally caught my attention with a short 5-song Ep featuring previously unrecorded material. It was initially released in digital only copies on iTunes last December, and then a hard copy follow up in 2010. I even passed up the Ep when it was originally released.

This Ep comes out of the gate toting Maroon 5-esque vocal melodies that would even put Adam Levine to shame. The guitars are smooth and sharp, each chord punctuating the end of every line. The rhythm section is solid and creates beats you want to clap along to, never dominating the songs. Although, still not the most original sound ever, their soul infused song delivery is fresh to hear in a climate dominated by glam, pop and dance.

I give Cold War Kids credit for sticking to their style. The popular genres fluctuate and when an artist stays steadfast in their ways they run the risk of becoming irrelevant. This Ep spits in the face of "irrelevant" and continues making music that is honest and this time around, catchy.

While it isn't brilliant, while it isn't extremely original, and while it isn't super exciting, Behave Yourself is good and should be a short reminder to soul influenced rock bands, that this is how it is done.(I'm looking at you Jack White, Kings Of Leon, and Julian Casablancas). Now if they could just produce a full album that I enjoy...

Spoiler Alert: She Dies in the End

Brittany Murphy's first shot at posthumous stardom. With a classy tagline like "Focus Your Fear" there is no way that this isn't a winner. Let me quick sum up the plot without even seeing it, the main character Alice is all cracked out and starts seeing stuff and then has a really shady death... but wait haven't i heard this one before, and didn't it star Brittany Murphy already. Oh no wait, that was real life.

Too Soon? Maybe.

I Know Its Not Wednesday, but Here's a Bonus Wrap Up

Gucci Mane- Diplo Presents: Free Gucci [Best Of The Cold War Mixtapes] (MadDecent)

Rating- Treat

File Under: Class A Beats with Class D Rapping

This very special edition of the wrap up is brought to you by DIPLO, the genius behind such acts as Major Lazer and Hollertronix. This time he has compiled a mixtape featuring fifteen original remixes from some of the scene's hottest electronic and dance artists. Here's the catch, they are all Gucci Mane

songs.

The problem with this mixtape right off the bat is that Gucci Mane is a down right bad rapper. His rhymes are trite and corny, his flow is weak and his monotone delivery is mediocre. I have no good news for Gucci Mane, if he wants to break big, he needs to become a different person.

Now for the good news, every single beat on this mix is killer. Song after song, note after note, kick after kick, every single bass wobble and synth run is the work of a brilliant artist. It is strange for a mixtape to have consistently stellar beats but this one doesn't fail to deliver time and time again.

My favorite outing comes from Memory Tapes, a low-fi indie band with huge potential. It takes the normally pathetic rap song "Excuse Me" (seriously, who says: "my watch so stupid icy / I can't even tell the time"?) and puts it on a bed of tinkling synths driven by a light snare beat. The star of this song is the beat switch that invades at the half way point of the track. Heavily bass driven and totally phased out, it finishes out the song is a melodious and tasteful way.

In total, Gucci Mane is a really bad rapper and if this wasn't a free mix tape, I would not own it, but these remixes are outstanding... Gucci should just recruit indie artists to do his tracks for him.

Wednesday Wrap Up will continue tomorrow with a new album but for now enjoy this review and download the mix for yourself.

Track list:

Music Monday: Cargo Ships Move Past Tracing On The Horizon Line

Botch- To Our Friends In The Great White North.

These Arms Are Snakes- Red Line Season

Russian Circles- Malko

Minus The Bear- Pachuca Sunrise

P.S. How are these bands all related to one another...

I Needed a Pet.

This adorable little cretin is a real stuffed baby unicorn. Apparently there is a huge market for feakish taxidermy on eBay. For a nominal fee of $649 it is possible to own this creepy centerpiece.
It used to be a circus sideshow but its now being thrown out to the collector wolves. It will be a terrible shame if this doesn't go to a home that will cherish it and show it off to everyone. It's huge in size, it could very easily be in the entryway of your home, greeting everyone as they come in. Forget having a table or a mirror, a Baby Unicorn could complete the home.
Unicorn not your tastes? How about a two headed cat, for your closest loved one.
Or perchance a deformed freak pig? Because, who doesn't like to give someone a sideshow freak for a wedding present. Everyone jump on this chance to own a tiny part of history. I am sincere, if you want to gift me one, feel free to.