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Friday Films: Super Imposed Muscles, Computer Animated Executions and Animal Ear Headbands

Ichi The Killer

Rating: D

File Under: Lost In Translation

I was first introduced to director Takashi Miike in his short film Imprint, which he directed for HBO's Masters Of Horror. Although the episode never aired due to its graphic depictions of torture and tender subject matters, it still remains available on DVD and viewable on the internet. In that one hour film Takashi Miike truly shines as a director and as an artist. But sadly, this is not a review of that stellar mini-movie. Instead it is about a two hour waste of my time.

The worst part of Ichi the Killer is not the brutal violence or the disgusting gore or even the unneeded nudity/sex, no, this movie completely falls on its face in the plot. The dialog is solid and for the first forty minutes, you are compelled by the convoluted story line. Unfortunately, fifteen minutes later, you realize that you actually have no clue what is going on and neither does the movie itself. It bounces around from scene to bloody scene trying to tie together the loose ends left by the story.

Originally adapted from the manga of the same name, Ichi the Killer follows the story of Kakihara, a Yakuza enforcer who receives great pleasure from giving and taking beatings, and freely deals out visually disturbing and graphic torture. The extent of his depravity knows no real bounds and in many scenes he is seen orchestrating, or actually perpetrating, acts of obscene violence. His physical appearance reflects his lust for pain, his face is scarred and at one point he cuts off the end of his own tongue, in addition the corners of his mouth are bound together to keep closed the, most likely, self-inflicted Glasgow smile he wears. When the story opens all seems to be well for the Yakuza, until the Anjo mob boss, Anjo, is brutally murdered by the mysterious Ichi, Kakihara sets out to find and punish the man responsible for his mentor's death... then let the sub-plots ensue.

I'm not even going to go into the horribly conceived story that begins to take place from there, instead I am going to take a moment to share where Miike does do a great job. The camera work in this movie is unbelievable, Miike takes the pulpy and gritty style of Guy Ritchie (circa. Snatch) and deftly blends it with the oddball camera angles and non-panning scenes of Quentin Tarantino (Circa. Reservoir Dogs). The city jumps by at a schizophrenic pace while conversations are reverent and intimate, never does someone leave a building without the filter becoming grainy and racing through the streets but when they pause to speak with another person, the camera pulls in close and focuses intently. Yet even here, at his strong point, Miike fails the movie. If the shot is interesting for a few moments, the director drags it out to death, literally to the point where you forget whether you had liked it or not, in the first place.

The bad news continues when you realize that the characters are vapid and foolish with absolutely no dimensions or levels of depth, there are not strong emotional ties to any one character in particular. If the movie is going to be a blood bath, there needs to be some way that we can connect with the one person left on camera the entire time. Instead, Tadanobu Asano gives the viewer a swaggering, self loathing and totally unsympathetic caricature of a sadistic torturer, devoid of any charm or wit. It's tough to enjoy a movie when there isn't one single solitary character to relate to, or even cheer on.

This movie was a waste of my evening, I should have picked another to review. Takashi Miike should either: stick to original plots and never do another adaptation again, or just do short films where he can cram shock and beauty into such a compact space that it will force the viewer to remain riveted.

If you are going to watch this movie... don't. Just find a copy of Imprint and watch that instead.

Spoiler Alert: She Dies in the End

Brittany Murphy's first shot at posthumous stardom. With a classy tagline like "Focus Your Fear" there is no way that this isn't a winner. Let me quick sum up the plot without even seeing it, the main character Alice is all cracked out and starts seeing stuff and then has a really shady death... but wait haven't i heard this one before, and didn't it star Brittany Murphy already. Oh no wait, that was real life.

Too Soon? Maybe.

It Tickles My Innards

Much to my delight the Pepsi Co. has re-re-released Mountain Dew Throwback. The magic of this edition is that it is flavored with real sugar instead of laboratory synthesized sugars. The United States soft drink companies insist on using that garbage to sweeten drinks while all other countries use real cane sugar to do it.

Mountain Dew first debuted in the 1940's as MOUNTAIN DEW, the formula was developed by Barney and Ally Hartman and is now the fourth most popular Soft Drink in the United States. Unfortunately the amusing and whimsical logos were removed and the name was changed to read MTN DEW. The Hillybilly logo did not appeal to the sense of rugged and manly adventure that the brand was gearing towards marketing to. This limited edition run has brought back the classic Images as well as the flavor that won the hearts of American consumers.

Seeing as I have been a serious Mountain Dew fan for a few years now and drank it in the US and in Africa (where they still use cane sugar and glass bottles), I can safely say there is a marked difference in the taste of the fake sugars versus the real ones. The throwback Mountain Dew is an opportunity for soda drinkers to have a tiny taste of nostalgia and it displays American advertising before it was in vogue to streamline and be sleek. I personally love the Throwback and would never go back to regular MTN DEW if I had the choice.

This release of Throwback also has been extended to Pepsi Throwback and Dr. Pepper Heritage, give them a taste and let me know what you think of them.

Wednesday Wrap Up: Looking Psychotic in a Balaclava

This is the debut of Wednesday Wrap Up. Every Wednesday* I will review one new album that was released the day before. I'll give my good with my bad and it'll be up to you to listen to the albums and decide for yourself. The albums will be graded on a carefully devised system. A good album is a DIAMOND, a decent album is a TREAT and a terrible album is a TURD. We begin this segment with a total disappointment:

Vampire Weekend- Contra (XL)

My Rating: TURD

File Under: Overproduced Indie Nightmare

#Title
1."Horchata"
2."White Sky"
3."Holiday"
4."California English"
5."Taxi Cab"
6."Run"
7."Cousins"
8."Giving Up the Gun"
9."Diplomat's Son"
10."I Think Ur a Contra"

I am going to be honest, I don't like Vampire Weekend. I haven't ever liked Vampire Weekend. Even their name is a turn off to me. What is a Vampire Weekend? and why does it play such pretentious music? But, despite my already present loathing, I thought that i would give these indie darlings a shot. Maybe they had grown up, maybe they were done aping on other people's work, maybe they were suddenly original. I was wrong in all of my assumptions. When Ottoman came out on Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, I had hope. My hopes have been shattered, where is the Ottoman on this album?

Right off the bat this album opens up with the band stealing the chorus melody from Annie Lennox. Straight down to the pizzicato symphony strings, and Maribma driven grooves. So, strike one straight out of the gate. Now, I am not saying that this CD is un-listen-able, but the lack of originality, or even effort is crippling. Every other song lifts guitar tones from Paul Simon's Graceland.

Dear Vampire Weekend,

I understand that you are trying to have an Afro-pop infused indie band but that does not give you permission to blatantly rip Paul Simon off. Homage and thievery are two different things. Although you seem to be under the impression that it is cool or artistic to be a clone of your forefathers in the genre, it is not. Playing on the ignorance of the hipster market does not make you avant-garde, it just makes you a boring and unpleasant blemish upon the ears of people with enough sense to understand that this band is just trying to fake their way through celebrity.

Love,

Antonio M. Silva

Oh and the thing I said about it not being um-listen-able? Its a lie. The first 5 songs have been tailored and altered enough for them to come out as appearing enjoyable, but after those it is a cluster of noises that are grating on the nerves and damaging to the psyche. All in all this CD is terrible, it lacks a real direction, it has been too edited to appear to be interesting but conveniently radio ready. The only good words I have for this album are the song Giving Up the Gun is completely enjoyable. Its not Ottoman but it is a straight forward and uncharacteristically "rock" song.

So for my first Wednesday Wrap Up I give you Contra: A CD that just should have quit.

*not promising every wednesday.

I Want To Interview Bloggers

I like blogs. They are interesting and everyone can have one, but we don't necessarily learn who a blogger is or what they are trying to achieve just by what they post on a page. I would like to periodically get behind the scenes with bloggers and look at who the man or woman behind the website is.

If you are a blogger and might be interested in sharing a little bit about yourself, please feel free to contact me, or just drop a comment down in the comments zone. I can't promise that I will get back to you right away, but if you have a blog and I like what I see, you can bet that I will eventually reply.

For those of you without blogs, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Why don't you have a blog yet? There are providers all over the internet that have free domains for you to just login and type away. This blog is run through BLOG SPOT. It doesn't cost me anything and I get to think outloud on the interweb.

"BUT I DON"T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY!!!" Yes you do. What about all those thoughts you have throughout the day that you are wondering, postulating, mulling over, or just swimming through? Wouldn't it be nice to get those out? Wouldn't it be nice for someone to come across your blog and see that they are having the exact same thought as someone else? I think it would, infact I know how awesome it is to blog. I have started one, two, three of them.

image belongs to blogger.com